Goodbye 2009... Goodbye Old Me

Song of the Moment: "Tik Tok" by Ke$ha

Mood: confident

"I believe everything happens for a reason. People change so you can learn to let go, things go wrong so you can learn to appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

Marilyn Monroe

Does everything happen for a reason? Did my marriage end because there's something better out there for me? Did it allow me to see that there's more to life?

I believe the answer is yes to all three of those questions.

In the past four months, I have learned quite a few things. One-- I don't have that many friends, but the few I do will always be there. Without that, I don't know where I'd be right now. Two-- I can do this on my own. I can be an independent person again. Three-- I have absolutely no idea who I am. For the past 6 years-- I have been Bill's girlfriend or wife. I had no interests or friends of my own really. And the ones I did have-- Bill made fun of me for. Four-- I really need to GET A LIFE My life before is gone and I need new friends to mix in with the old ones. I've got to put myself out there or I'll never know if I can do this.

I look back and I realize the past six years are about to be wiped nearly clean off my plate. Why would I want to save the thousands of pictures? What would I gain from them? Nothing. So I must erase the past six years... not entirely. But for the most part-- I feel like it's like I never existed and now I'm alive again. How crazy is it that it takes something like this, a catharsis if you will, to make you see that there is so much more to life out there?

In the past four months-- I have done several things I'd never done before:

• I started going out to clubs and bars... something I "hated" before. How could I have hated something I never did? I'm still not all that fond of going out, but I'm learning.
• I also took myself out to dinner for the first time. I mean, I actually went to a restaurant and ate by myself. I never did that before and it's something I find so liberating.
• I'm also seeing a therapist. When everything went down-- I knew I needed help and she's helping me so much with my own issues. (I'll get back to those issues later)

With all that said-- 2009 was a rocky year for me. I brought it in with a husband, a new home, and a what I thought was a new life back home in Tennessee.

This year-- I have none of those things. But the one thing I do have-- a positive outlook on the future.
2010 is going to usher in greatness for me. Can you feel it?

♥ tiffany renee